Sitting here listening to Jack Johnson, thinking positive thoughts on when I'll be back entangled in society, slaving away! The clouds so peaceful today, just traveling across the NorthEastern sky heading to the place where they will again touch the vastness of the ocean with their particles of creation. The day has passed and now its night. The crickets chirp, while the darkness surrounds my being. The clouds still moving east as the night has not completely closed in, a beautiful night with temperatures in the 60's. Now listening to Tyrone Wells as I do often, the sound of the guitar, the drums, vocals is something to just sit in.
A few minutes ago I had another heart episode, like the ones I used to have when I was a teenager. The feeling I get when I have these episodes is one of running a race, however I'm just sitting here. The heart pounds as if I just took off for a sprint, mind questioning what's going on. Thinking of the past, memories fill the mind of wearing a heart monitor ro track my daily heart rate, followed by a stress test, along with others. Never diagnosed, only speculated on what could be causeing the issue. Havent't had an episode like this for some time, why now, why today. Am I supposed to live a long life? Am I to be taken at an early age? What, what please someone explain why these episode continue to occur. Thoughts fill the mind of an early death when these happen, its not an attack, just flutters...
Mind continuing to fill with the thought of an early passing, will people attend my funeral, if so how many? What will they say at my eulogy, who will speak, so many questions on what might be spoeken at my funeral. The large answer being my dash, have a fullfilled my dash, do I have more paper on this tablet we call life? Am I working on the last chaper?
So many families met on this journey, so many shared moments? Have I given of myself enough, what is enough? So many thoughts filling my mind right now, tough to be patient right now when the mind fills. Wishing I had someone to ask me to close my eyes, to describe everything to take me into the moment of life, the only moment we are currently living, another one gone, and another, then another! How many moments will you make worthwhile during the dash of your life? Will those moments be positive moments, that create positive change or will they be negative ones setting up a domino affect, a ripple of collapse? The choice is now, the choice is yours, the dreams that are within can come alive if you want, all depends on this moment, that moment, and the next!
What will this life bring me? Fireflies lighting up the row of trees to my left, garage light on to my right. Crickets speaking a language I truly do not understand, cacadas continue to chat, airplane flies over head, rustling in the house. So many things going on in this world, however how many people truly live them? Practice being in the moment is something that I have been working on for some time, it comes and gos, however when its here its an unbelievable feeling. The thoughts of great authors come to mind, like Hemingway, Steinbeck, Thoreau three great literary figures. Will anyone ever match their literature? Will they be dethrowned as literary figures like sports figures of yesterday?
Many questions come to mind today about tradation, about manners, about morals and the right thing to do? Has our society set itself up for failure? How many open doors for ladies any more? Are we in such a rush we cannot be polite in all we do? To extend a hand when needed? How many would help a neighbor in need? How many know our neighbors name, their occupation, their story? Relationships in this world are worth so much more than that car, that television, that boat we strive for! To sit and share stories, to mentor to our youth, how many find the time to do so? How many kids actually want to learn their history? The history of the railroads and the great Burlington Northern, of Ford and the Model T, to Einstein and Edison's inventions, to Lewis and Clark, to the reasons why? So much can be learned from history and I'm sure so many mistakes of today would not have been made if learned from history.
While I travel I listen, listen to the cures Americans have for the Economic condition we are in and have to ask are they correct, are they dreaming, the answer is we shall see! (I was thinking I don't know, however if I'm allowed to live a longer life I will see if I'm living in the moment, however only able to read so much so I'll have to get to reading!) Have I missed so much by being unplugged for the last 60+ days? Will I be able to catch up, only to be getting further and further behind? So many questions with so little time! We have to choose everyday on what we read, watch, and talk to...have we made the right decisions?
I was thinking today about how to cur cost and have to ask the readers out there? How much food do you throw away? How many cars do you have, do you need them all? "Do you own a bicycle, if so, when was the last time you have ridden it? If you have more than one, when was the last time your ridden your last one, could someone use this while it just sits in your garage or house? How fast do you drive? When was the last time you bought somehing you know you didn't need? Ever checked out movies from the library versus renting, save a buck or two? Have friends with movies that would lend? What about books versus the television? Library works - could walk to it or ride depending on how far, pick up a few books and stimulate the mind a little! So many questions, on how to minimize, to be thrity, frugal. Lets face we all want to save a little money, I'm sure the rich cut coupons too, why not stretch that almight dollar that has a hold of so many. Don't get me wrong, I indulge in things at times, I'm human, however I have tried living with out and just want to challenge the masses to do so too. Tell me your secrets, what works for you, what doesn't. Knowing this might save me some time, allowing me to be more in the moment! Again, its about the relationships in life that matter for me so learning from you would be a blessing...
1 comment:
Hey Matt,
Sounds like you have atrial fibrillation (at best; some other kind of irregular heartbeat, at worst). My husband sees it alot (he's a cardiologist). It can be managed with meds if it gets too annoying. But it might not be a bad idea for you to see a cardiologist....
take care,
lisa
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